


One Word Breaks the Code of Silence

by curlysupergirl



Series: Alone [6]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Glam Rock RPF
Genre: M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 12:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlysupergirl/pseuds/curlysupergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I feel the two words linger on my lips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Word Breaks the Code of Silence

His name escapes my lips before I realize what I’m saying.

It’s not still his room,

But will that ever leave my mind?

How can I call his room anyone’s but his?

I feel the two words linger on my lips.

On my tongue.

In my mouth.

_Sauli’s room._

It provokes a strange feeling,

Like I’ve done something wrong.

Made a mistake by calling it his room.

_Sauli’s room._

But it is his.

I miss him.

I still see him smiling behind my eyelids.

But he’s sad.

I don’t want to see him sad.

Is it because I’ve forgotten?

I haven’t thought of him in a while.

It’s been too long since I last thought of my love.

_Sauli’s room._

Such a simple thing to say in a casual conversation,

But the memories it brings back

Are too painful to bear.

My last memories of him were in his last days,

Suffering to no end.

Of course I blame it on the resident.

It’s so easy to blame it on anyone,

Especially someone who I know could have and did cause his passing.

Or at least speed it up.

But is it really my place to say,

What events and whose doing brought about his end?

It’s not my place,

But I can’t help thinking

What if it was something I could have prevented?

By being a better person?

I sit here now

Crying to myself

Escaping the gaze of my family.

_Sauli’s room._

After saying it, I mumbled some sorry excuse about showering,

I don’t even remember.

But now all I feel is regret

When I should have done more before.

But regret is not going to bring him back.

Nothing will.

Regret.

Such a pointless emotion.

I need to focus on the future.

I need everyone to realize.

I need to share with others what I messed up.

I need to teach them before its too late.

Sure, I’ve said it before.

Cherish what you have with him.

Before it’s too late.

And they answer, “I do.”

They say, “I know what I have”

But they won’t realize

Till he’s gone.

 

I miss him.

I can’t help it.

I miss his smile.

I miss everything about him.

And now I’m a mess.

I’m losing it.

Falling apart.

And I don’t even want to feel anything else.

This is too consuming.

Too important to forget.

 

 

Title taken from Kelly Osbourne's "One Word." Lyrics can be found here: http://www.lyricstop.com/o/oneword-kellyosbourne.html


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